Book Reviews
- When you are in the self-help section of the bookstore or library, do you
ever feel confused or overwhelmed by all the choices on display? Here
are reviews of some outstanding self-help books. These are among the
best in their subject areas.
You can click on the book titles in the list below to read a review of each book.
The link from the title of each book - in the book reviews following the list - will take you to Amazon.com where you can order the book at a discount price (of course, you can also go to your local bookseller or library.)
(All reviews by Michael Abrahams, LCSW-C, unless otherwise noted.)
- Parent-Teen Breakthrough: The Relationship Approach
- The Explosive Child
- Dinosaurs Divorce
- The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
- The Nine Ways of Working
- The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
- Swallowed by a Snake: The gift of the masculine side of healing
- Final Gifts: Understanding the special awareness, needs and communications of the Dying
- After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
- Looking Beyond the Ivy League: Finding the College That’s Right for You.
- The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
- "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
Books Reviewed Below
Parent-Teen Breakthrough: The Relationship Approach
by Mira Kirshenbaum and Charles Foster, Ph.D.
The single best book for parents on relating with teenagers. Essentially,
their message is: you can’t control your teenager, but you can influence
him/her - if you have a solid relationship. The book is specific about how
to repair and improve the relationship with your teen, what you can expect
to achieve as a parent of a teenager, and how to handle conflicts and
disagreements with your teen. This book probably won’t appeal to
parents who believe they should have the kind of control of, and
obedience from, their teenagers that they (may have) had from their younger
children. And it’s not always applicable when an adolescent is
seriously emotionally disturbed, addicted, or dangerously out of control.
But for the household with the normally difficult teenager, this is a very
valuable book.
The Explosive Child
by Ross Greene, Ph.D.
There are many useful books on handling discipline problems with children.
This is the best single book for parents with a” difficult” child - a
child who is easily frustrated, inflexible, and who loses self-control and has
temper tantrums long after the “terrible two”s are past. Greene
explains, clearly and comprehensively, the different factors that
contribute to inflexible-explosive behavior. More importantly, he shows
parents how to understand and respond to a child’s explosive behavior in
a constructive way. Following the methods in this book, parents can help their child develop the skills needed for controlling behavior,
while also keeping the family atmosphere supportive and the child’s
home and school life more successful and enjoyable.
Dinosaurs Divorce
by Laurene K. Brown and Marc Brown
If you need to explain divorce to a young child (3-8),
this 32 page picture book will help with the job. Clear, direct
text and entertaining illustrations make it the best I’ve seen for
this situation. This book offers a low-risk way for either you or
your child to raise the topic when tensions run high at home - you (or the
child) can just say, “Let’s read the Dinosaurs Divorce book” and
let the conversation evolve from there.
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
by Stephen Covey
One of the best “all-around” self-help manuals.
It’s worthwhile for practically anyone, but probably most
helpful for people who feel they are drifting, floundering, or otherwise not
meeting their personal or career goals. Covey shows how to use
your core values to build solid habits of character that, in turn, bring
personal and business success. Covey went on to develop a series of
“Seven Habits” books, tapes, seminars, appointment calendars,
etc. They may all be o.k., but this book - which spent more
than 200 weeks on the best-seller list - is where he made his name.
The Nine Ways of Working
by Michael Goldberg
This book uses the “Enneagram” - a personality
typing system based on ancient philosophical traditions - to understand
the different ways in which people of differing personality types think
about and handle issues at work. The book teaches you to recognize
both your own “type” and the “types” of others you work with, and
then how to handle colleagues, bosses and subordinates based on your and
their “type”-based styles of behavior-on-the-job. The Enneagram
has no formal standing as a theory in scientific psychology, but
nonetheless seems to have “a piece of the truth.” Many
people have found this book remarkably useful in it’s application to interpersonal problems in the
workplace.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
by John M. Gottman, Ph.D.
Gottman , one of the leading researchers of
marriage, uses this book to present the for-the-general-public version of
the same material he teaches therapists and counselors in professional seminars.
He discusses what specific behaviors make marriages succeed, what makes
them fail, and what couples can do to make their own marriage more satisfying.
Lots of exercises and self-assessment tools. Many marriage manuals have
useful advice; this one is probably the most grounded in research, and -
if you do the work - the most valuable.
Swallowed by a Snake: The Gift of the Masculine Side of Healing
by Thomas Golden LCSW
A map and guide through the experience of loss, from the
masculine perspective. Golden, a grief specialist, takes as his particular
focus the ways in which men live through and resolve loss. Since men are
less likely than women to verbalize their emotions, much of our
common-sense knowledge about “ grief work” is based in approaches more
naturally familiar to the feminine. Golden’s book is a
valuable tool for a man struggling with loss or grief - or for people who
care about him and want to support him.
Final Gifts: Understanding the special awareness, needs and communications of the dying.
by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Helley
Two hospice nurses wrote this book for
people who
are living with, or caring for someone who is dying. They
discuss what dying is like for the person who is dying, and what
that person needs from family and loved ones, in order to die peacefully and
with completion. When a loved one is dying, the experience takes those closest to him
or her right to the edge. This book helps the reader go there and
better assist the
dying person.
After The Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has
Been Unfaithful
by Janis Abrahams Spring, Ph.D.
A guide to the issues raised by extramarital affairs:
the choices to be made, the reactions people have, and the emotional tasks
an individual or couple needs to take on if they are to rebuild their marriage .
People - both the unfaithful spouse and the hurt, betrayed
partner - are typically highly distressed, isolated, and in crisis when an
affair becomes revealed within a marriage. This is a reassuring, calming book
which provides some insights into how affairs come to occur, and what can be
done to rebuild a relationship.
Looking Beyond the Ivy League: Finding the College That’s Right for You.
by Loren Pope
The best single book on selecting a college.
I don’t do college counseling, but I sure see a lot of teenagers and families
who need help in thinking about college. This experienced college
admissions advisor covers it all: what to look for in a college, how to
finance it and how to get accepted. Includes interesting thumbnail
sketches of hundreds of good colleges - many of which you’ve never heard of.
Unlike many college guides, this one is interesting and easy to read.
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
Child sexual abuse is unpleasant to think about. If you
don’t need this book, you won’t want to read it. But if you are
a sex abuse survivor, this classic is an excellent resource . It has lots of
personal narratives, useful writing exercises, and sensible advice.
It can’t replace a trained therapist - and many readers will need one - but
the book gives the reader plenty of valuable food for thought to ponder on her
own.
Too
Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
by Mira Kirshenbaum
Described as "a step-by-step guide to help you decide whether to stay in or
get out of your relationship", this book does as good a job as can be done.
People often get stuck in painful indecision about their long-term relationship
or marriage. They're not happy....but how happy should they be? What are
realistic expectations and what is settling for too little? Will I be
happier with my decision if I leave - or if I stay? No book (and no therapist,
for that matter) can really answer these questions for an individual. But this
book can help you decide for yourself. Kirshenbaum examines the important
criteria, and sets out guidelines about what will work best for most people.
Most clients of mine who have read this book have found it this book helpful in
resolving ambivalence - either to stay in a good enough relationship, or to
prepare to leave one that needs to be left behind.
If you are looking for a book not reviewed here you can search Amazon.com
with this link:
Caution: if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself or
someone else tell your therapist, counselor, or physician immediately. If
you don't have one, call your local mental health department or the nearest
hospital.